I Must Confess

Last week was the Tinkles Her Pants official launch party. I must admit, I was there physically, but I felt a little out of body. Like I was hovering over the event, witnessing all these beautiful women come together to talk, and wine, and dine, and hopefully leave feeling like they can enter a new day with a little more ease.

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This part of blogging is somewhat unnatural for me. It feels, for lack of a better word, self-promoting. A little indulgent. Look at me! Read my words! I guess I’m still that girl from two months ago who hid under a rock.

But as I was sorting through the aftermath of the party today, I stumbled upon a moment that made me really proud. The night of the event we distributed cards for a “Female-Fession” contest. The idea was this: give us your best, worst, most honest confession about being a wife, woman, or mother. Crowd applause would pick the final winner. To remain unbiased, I wasn’t the judge on narrowing down the entries, so reading the cards today was my first glance at the many submissions.

tinkles her pants blog launch party

To say I laughed out loud was an understatement. Gosh, women are amazing. I laughed, I cried, and rather surprisingly, on almost all, I nodded in agreement. Because here’s the deeper layer of these confessions I never anticipated when I planned the contest: we are all so unified in this fight to raise our people. And it is hard. Hard. Reading these women’s words made me realize that the days I falter, and flop, and fall short, are just—normal days. It’s part of the process. Try, fail, fall, rise, repeat and rinse. 

Ladies, your words have lifted me today. Below are the confessions. I hope you find the light in them as I did and the takeaway that it’s great to have the best day ever—it’s more realistic to not.

We are survivors and thrivers, and whether it be it be a launch party, or a book, or a blog, or a silly confession contest, we can stand strong in knowing we are never, ever alone.  

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FEMALE-FESSIONS:

1.       I walked into Target, got my kids situated, and started down the aisle when I realized I had no shoes on. So I went to the shoe department to get a pair of shoes and then took them off before I left the store because I didn’t want to buy them. 

2.       My cleaning lady comes every week. In an attempt to not clean my dishes, I put the dirty dishes in a bag and hide them in the garage or oven.

3.       I had to poop so bad and I had my son with me screaming and crying. I was stuck in traffic and couldn’t make it home or to a bathroom fast enough, so I pulled over, hopped in the backseat, pulled out an extra diaper, and pooped in it. My son saw everything and was screaming, “Ew, are you pooping?” Yep, son. I am.

blog launch

4.       I eat fast food in the car, in the driveway, and then throw the trash in the outside trashcan so the youngest doesn’t throw a fit. By the way, he’s twelve now.

5.       I go to the gym, drop the kids in kid care, and go read in the locker room.

6.       My two-and-a-half year old hung onto the bottom of the garage as it rose to the top while my back was turned. (We have proof of this one!)

7.       My four-year-old literally eats PB&J for lunch and dinner 99% of the time.

8.       I dip my crying baby’s pacifier in whiskey.

9.       I kill off the main characters in stories I tell my daughter so I can end them.

10.   I let my kids brush their own teeth every day and I hardly ever check them.

11.   I often fear Netflix is a better parent than me.

12.   When my son starts to fuss in the car, I turn on Cardi B. and rap to him. He cheers for me and stops crying.

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13.   I have put Mickey Mouse on TV at 6:00am so I could get extra sleep on the couch.

14.   I don’t love being a mom.

15.   Sometimes I hide in the bathroom for twenty minutes just to have some quiet time.

16.   I’ve let my daughter sleep in her pee because I didn’t want her to wake up for the day if I changed her sheets and clothes.

17.   I don’t feed my kids veggies because I don’t like them.

18.   My kids walk barefoot even around construction. After one stepped on a nail and got a booster shot, I still let them walk around barefoot.

19.   My child goes to the bathroom outside whenever she feels like she’s got to go. Panties and all!

blog launch party

20.   I grab a trash bag when my kids aren’t picking up and give them a head start to clean up their toys before I can get to them.

21.   The moment I became a mom I realized I knew all about my child and everyone else was a complete idiot…even my husband.

22.   By 10am my two boys were throwing their hundredth tantrum of the day so I hid in the closet with the lights out and door closed while drinking an open bottle of Prosecco. It happens!

23.   I took my two kids to hang at a wine bar on a school night and fed them puffs for dinner so I  could have a glass of wine with friends.

24.   I did not change diapers first thing in the morning in hopes that my husband would do it.

25.   I hide in the closet so I don’t have to share my snacks.

26.   We told my daughter she ate all her Halloween candy, but I have it stashed away for myself.

27.   I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and couldn’t feel happy for women who were pregnant for a very long time.

blog launch party

28.   I hid in a men’s restroom stall, hid my feet, and curled up so the man in the next stall couldn’t see me because my six-year-old decided he wanted to use the men’s room for the first time and take the biggest shit of his life.

29.   Sometimes I wait a little longer than I should to change my baby’s diaper so my husband has to do it.

30.   My husband travels for work, and even though he’s amazing, sometimes its just easier to run the circus solo.

31.   Sometimes I put on headphones when my toddler has a tantrum because I don’t want to hear it.

32.   Motherhood is the hardest thing I’ve ever loved.

*A special thank you to our partners and vendors who made this night possible:

Jennifer Baumann Photography

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Baby Boot Camp of Frisco & Little Elm

Kathryn’s Kissable Lips